My First Ramble

   I've paid for this blog feature on my site for quite a long time but have never been able to bring myself to use it, largely because I'm not sure I have anything to say that anyone wants or needs to hear. I'm no more interesting (nor are my opinions any more valid) than anyone else you will encounter on any given day. That's the truth. The only things I know for sure are in my heart. My head is not nearly as reliable. I'll try  to use this space to post information, stay in touch, and answer question that are being asked.

   Why haven't I put out a new recording in the last five years?  It's a question that I'm often asked, but have never really given an honest answer to. I usually say that it's because I'm lazy and hate being in the studio. Both of those things are true, but they aren't the real reasons. It would be too hard to give the true answer on a person-to-person basis. Even as I write this, I'm unsure if I am comfortable explaining it at all.

   I have always written songs because it fills a personal need. I'll do it until the day I die. When I first started writing, I gave no thought to how things might change once my songs left the privacy of my bedroom and became publicly performed. I didn't think about it because it just didn't dawn on me that it would ever be a reality. I sat alone in my bedroom and poured myself into songs that were very personal and important to me, and that was enough. It wasn't until I sat down to record for the first time that the terrifying reality hit me; other people were going to hear this stuff. My parents and friends were going to hear my songs and it scared the shit out of me. Did I really want anyone to hear this? It was like letting everyone read my diary. My songs, for the most part, are my diary.

   Obviously, I swallowed my fear and crossed that line. I kept on moving forward, but it didn't get any easier. It became what I did for a living, which brought a whole new set of anxieties.  You release these pieces of yourself to the public not having any idea whether they will connect with, or even make sense to, anyone. What was once something you did only to get yourself through a bad night has become your means to pay the bills. This is no small thing when you have a family, and it creates a lot of pressure.

   I have continued to write songs for the last six years. I still sit alone in my bedroom and pour myself into songs that are very personal and important to me, and it still is what I love/need to do. I probably have written enough new songs to put out three or four albums. I just can't bring myself to record them. These songs mean a lot to me and I really needed to write them, but I don't think I want anyone else to hear them. Letting go of these pieces of myself has definitely grown harder and harder as I've gotten older. I feel that I have nothing left to express that I haven't expressed many times before. Right now I feel like I'm a broken record, but it's my truth. To try to write around that would be a lie. To release it would be redundant and pointless. I am hopeful that other songs will come along that I feel I can share and will be worth releasing. I just don't know.

   Incredibly, over the years a fair amount of people have connected with my music, and for that I am truly grateful. When people tell me that my music means a lot to them, or that it has helped them through a tough time in their life, it nearly breaks my heart. I am deeply appreciative for all of the support and kindness that I have received over the years. I don't want anyone to think that I have taken any of it for granted. Thank you all so very much.

   I am slowing down, readjusting, and trying to figure out where I fit into the scheme of things these days,  but I'm not going away. Thanks for sticking with me.

MZ